Rambling about burnout 29SEP26
Some people may find this post heavy or even dystopian, fair warning.
I have AuDHD. I was diagnosed late at 29, during my first period of burnout.
Now,here are a lot of differences between occupational burnout and Autistic/ADHD burnout, when I talk about my burnout people automatically assume its occupational burnout and they just don't understand how truly crippling Neurodivergent burnout is.
Occupational burnout is serious, it mimics depression, it makes your tired and irritible, and often a reak from work is prescribed to recover, often in 4-12 weeks.
Nuerodivergent burnout however is utterly crippling, it includes these symptoms coupled with often a lifetime of masking, severe exhaustion, skill regression, overwhelming anxiety and increased sensity to symptoms. For me my sensory tolerance is -10897238479. I start crying at the sound of a lawnmower outside, coping mechanisms, tools, and skills are USELESS. I become an exhausted, miserable, irritble, husk of the human being I am when I'm functioning at my baseline or normal capacity. This type of burnout takes several years to properly recover from.
Several Years.
Who can afford that? Certainly not a "high functioning" member of capitalism like myself.
I was fortunate to be able to take a 3 month leave of absence when my first real bout of burnout hit. I was not feeling that much better but I had to get back to work so I completely changed jobs, stepping down several levels and taking a large paycut for my mental health. I've been barely functioning for about 3 years that way now, and I am falling apart.
I can feel myself becoming a more miserable and irritable person. I cry at work because of the noise. I'm constantly overhwlmed and overstimulated. I've tried working with my employer to make accomodations and the best solution they have is to just call out...
What are we meant to do when we have been burning the candle at both ends our entire lives just to survive and the wax is gone. Just a pethetic little wick, trying to be lit over and over and over and instantly sparking and going out. When we need years to mold a new candle, but society needs us to just keep burning. When you will lose your home if you can't keep showing up everyday to the grind. Truly what are we meant to do.
